Cheating is universally recognized as a betrayal, yet the societal response to infidelity, particularly towards women who choose to stay, reveals deep-seated biases and double standards.
The Backlash Against Women Who Forgive Cheaters
The default advice following infidelity is typically to leave, block the cheater, and move on. However, when a woman decides to stay with her partner after being cheated on, she often becomes the target of public scrutiny and shaming. A recent example can be found in Amazon Prime’s drama, *The Summer I Turned Pretty*, where the character Belly, after being cheated on by her boyfriend Jeremiah, chooses to marry him. This decision has led to a wave of online criticism, branding her as insufferable and pathetic, while Jeremiah, the one who betrayed her, largely escapes the same level of scrutiny. In the court of public opinion, it is often the woman who forgives the cheater who becomes the punchline.
The Double Standard in Society’s Judgment
Infidelity experts note that this backlash is reflective of a broader, sexist double standard. Idit Sharoni, LMFT, a couples therapist who leads an infidelity recovery program called *It’s Okay to Stay*, explains that historically, women were often trapped in unhappy marriages. While they fought for the right to leave, the societal narrative has shifted to harshly judge women who choose to stay in the face of infidelity. Lauren LaRusso, LPC, LMHC, author of *Beyond Infidelity: How to Turn the End of Your Relationship into the Beginning of Your Life*, adds that cultural stereotypes about men’s sexual needs contribute to this perception. Men’s infidelity is often seen as a biological instinct, shifting the burden of judgment onto women who are perceived as weak for staying.
For instance, Khloé Kardashian faced relentless ridicule after giving Tristan Thompson multiple chances following his cheating scandals, despite him being the one who wronged her. Similarly, Hillary Clinton’s choice to remain married to Bill Clinton was often framed as a sign of moral weakness rather than a reflection of a complex personal situation. Society tends to downplay men’s wrongdoing while ridiculing women who endure such behavior.
The Complexity of Staying After Infidelity
The judgment surrounding a woman’s decision to stay often stems from a simplistic binary view of good versus bad. Choosing to remain with a partner who has cheated does not fit neatly into this framework, leaving little room for empathy. Longstanding beliefs such as “once a cheater, always a cheater” further complicate perceptions, suggesting that infidelity is a permanent character flaw. However, LaRusso emphasizes that many people cheat once and do not repeat the behavior, and reducing infidelity to blanket statements does a disservice to the complexities of relationships.
Additionally, many factors may influence a woman’s decision to stay, including family responsibilities, shared finances, or cultural expectations. In some cases, the cheater may take full responsibility, and both partners may genuinely wish to rebuild trust.
While it is crucial to recognize that no one should feel obligated to tolerate infidelity, it is equally important to examine why societal judgment often misdirects focus. Why do we question a woman’s worth, confidence, or intelligence instead of holding the man who betrayed her accountable? Where is the empathy for those navigating the difficult terrain of infidelity?